Always remember that striving and struggle precede success, even in the dictionary.-Sarah Ban Breathnach
This process isn’t easy. Lately I have been doubting myself – am I eating the right things? Am I drinking enough water? Why haven’t I lost more weight this week? Did I do the right work out or should I try a different routine? Am I a sleeve failure?
These questions run through my mind daily.
Mentally I am struggling.
There are days where I CRAVE a frickin’ cookie – one of my trigger foods (gummy bears are another one). I feel like that chocolate chip cookie is going to turn my day upside down. That’s when I know its emotional, and struggle with this. I can imagine the buttery crispness of that chocolate chip cookie in my mouth, but I turn towards a chocolate protein shake or I look for other alternatives (Aldi’s Elevation Carb Conscious Bars are great for this).
Do I ever give in, you betcha, I am almost 3 months out, and yes I have had a cookie, and even a piece of cheesecake. Does it mean I am a failure? I don’t think so, but I know I definitely have remorse afterward.
Somedays it’s not about the sweets,
it’s about flavor.
I like to eat; there are other factors that go into that reason why I had WLS, but I know that this is the main contributor. I like the flavors of food, savory, comforting food. Since having sleeve surgery, I will make myself a plate of what I WANT to eat because it tastes good, and I will only eat a quarter of it if that. I’m not going to lie, it does make me sad. I appreciate that I have my tool to restrict me from overeating, and sabotage, but there are days I just want to taste that ‘stuffed chicken’ one more time. It’s an emotional struggle – like my overtired toddler fighting bedtime – I just want what I want, and I cry a little inside because I can’t have it.
My schedule is a struggle.
Going into surgery, you are told drink your water, take your vitamins, eat regularly, get your exercise in.. yadda yadda yadda. And you think to yourself; this is going to be a breeze… I take pills every day, I already drink a ton of water, eat – Ha! I love to eat, and once I lose some weight – I know I will like working out. YOU ARE WRONG.
- First of all – you don’t drink enough water, even if you think you do – you don’t.
- Secondly – You’re not going to be hungry, so you have to set an alarm to eat, and you have to eat to fuel your body, so planning out healthy meals is key. Going through the taco bell drive through does not count as meal planning.
- Third – Your vitamins will more than likely make you nauseous, and you WILL forget to take them, so you will also set an alarm for these as well.
- Fourth – Protein is your main priority. Your grocery runs will take twice as long because you will be reading every label or every product you put in your basket. This is not a bad thing, and eventually, you will memorize the calorie count, grams of sugar, carbs, and grams of protein in your favorite gotos.
- Fifth – Working out, I actually do love the gym. But making time to get there is another story. I have to make my ‘Me time’, gym time. This may not be true for everyone, but trust me when I say there are days you will do everything you can to get out of going to the gym.
The schedule struggle is strong.
The Scale Struggle
Though I pay a lot of attention to my NSVs, I too have succumbed to the scale. There are days where I am addicted, I will weigh myself multiple times over the course of 24 hours. I have to remind myself this is not an overnight process, as much as I want it to be.
I compare myself to others who have had the surgery, that was roughly my size when they started – Don’t do it. Whoever the person is, they are not you – I have to remind myself of this as well and try to stop living in the shadow of their success and focus on my own. That person I am looking at on Instagram, or youtube, they have struggles too. And their starting weight and current weight are not reflective of who they are, just like mine is not reflective of who I am, and where this journey is taking me.
Despite all of the struggles I have had in just the last 3 months, and the ones that I know lay ahead – I have no regrets.
I would much rather have struggled over what I cannot eat, than struggling to get up a flight of steps or struggling to get pregnant. I would rather have a scale addiction struggle, than a diabetic struggle.
If I have any regrets, it’s not seeking professional help sooner.
Obesity is not something you have to deal with alone. I once felt that way, but since looking into surgery, I know that I am definitely not alone. There are many of us, and those of us that have had the surgery are now a big family – and we support one another.
Are you thinking about getting Weight-loss surgery, or have you had it?
What are your concerns, or struggles?